How are YOU single? Those four words are the bane of my existence. Hearing that question from someone shouldn’t throw me for a loop. But it often does. I purse my lips, tilt my head and have a quick discussion with myself: “Should I answer this honestly? Or should I give the blasé, politically correct, Bachelorette-esque answer ‘I just haven’t found the right person yet’?”
If I had a nickel for every time I was asked ‘How are you single,’ I would have… approximately $12.75.
(Okay, not a moneymaker, but it will get me a bottle of wine. To enjoy, by myself, alone on a Saturday night. Hey, more for me.)
But it’s not just me. There is no shortage of women out there who are amazing catches. Attractive, successful, financially independent, intelligent, compassionate women, open to share their hearts with someone who’s worthy.
Well, the truthful answer is on the tip of my tongue, but much like people don’t want to hear about your crappy night’s sleep when they ask, “How are you?” — I’m not sure most people are looking for a verbal tirade.
So if that’s you, better stop reading now. WARNING — OPINIONATED OPINIONS BELOW.
Why am I still single? Because of the sorry state of men out there. Harsh, but true.
Don’t worry, I’m not just hatin’ on the guys. Women are not entirely off the hook either. Verbalizing this may get me crucified… but it’s the honest truth, gals — the sorry state of men out there is directly related to the sorry state of women out there.
Collectively, we’ve rewarded this behavior. We’ve responded to mediocre effort. We showed eagerness when they offered indifference.
That’s why they think a “hey what’s up” is a satisfactory way to kick off an online conversation. Why they don’t ask you on a proper date or pay the tab. Why they think they can go in and out of your life like a revolving door with no consequence after weeks with no contact. They commit a multitude of sins. And as women, we’ve let them off the hook. We’ve let them get away with it.
We bitch and moan to our girlfriends, ‘Where are the quality guys?’ Well, they’re out there, I’m sure of it. But they’ve been conditioned to do the bare minimum because no one has held them to higher standards.
I’ll say it again: The sorry state of men out there is directly related to the sorry state of women out there.
Ladies — we need to raise the bar.
The vast majority of single men today expect life to give them trophies of participation. They’ll give up when the going gets hard. If they have to put forth effort above and beyond what they were expecting, they won’t, in favor of easier prey. And that’s not a quality what I want in a partner. That’s not someone I’d want to share a future with. And you shouldn’t either!
To any prospective date out there reading this: my assessment of you starts with the first (Tinder, Instagram, fill-in-the-blank) message. Why shouldn’t it? That’s your first — and perhaps only — shot to make an impression… don’t you think you should put some effort in?
The #1 reason why I’m single? Because I’m skeptical. I have high standards. And so far, nobody wants to work that hard.
To my fellow single ladies out there: come with me. Don’t settle for less than you deserve.