Marriage is Not the Be-All-End-All

Niagara-on-the-Lake, Ontario, Canada

Marriage, the end of: spontaneous sex, traveling by yourself, and buying anything for yourself without having to ask for permission first” – How To Be Single, 2016

I’m just shy of my 34th birthday. I’m not married; no boyfriend in sight. (Nobody’s made it past the two-month mark in… you don’t want to know.)

I have friends who are going through (or went through) debilitating divorces. Experiencing infidelity. Addiction. Verbal abuse or disrespect. Financial deceit. Some of them are still reeling and dealing with the aftermath.

I’m sympathetic, ’cause it’s crappy and it sucks. But I don’t feel sorry for them.

So don’t feel sorry for me for being single. 

A few weeks ago, I was talking with my girlfriends, telling them about a recent situation where I had been turned down by a love interest. My friend asked, “Julie, what does your true heart desire? Do you want to find a husband?”

I said no. 😱 😱 😱

ACTUALLY, I said this: “If you replace the word marriage with ‘lifelong love’ or ‘a lifelong partner’ — my answer would change.” 🤔 🤔 🙌

Because, guess what. They’re not the same thing. Marriage, increasingly, is treated like a destination. A resting place, an achievement, the end of the line. A statement that proves to your peers and to each other that you’re a valid couple who made it to the altar and now, life can begin.

Well, life is already going! 

To me, a relationship is not a place, it’s an action. A choice. Something to work towards every day. You are not bound by chains or law. Both parties have free will to leave or stay. A relationship is special, fragile, tenuous, and both people are choosing to be in it. Sure, some people treat marriage this way. Some couples are doing this right. But many, I think, are not. 

If never marry, so be it. Don’t feel sorry for me. My life has begun, and it’s full of possibilities.

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