My Promise to Myself: To Speak Up for What I Deserve

Grinnell Glacier Lookout, Glacier National Park, MT

Why am I still single?

I’m looking for intention, not attention.

This is a growing year. I am doing a lot of things that I never thought possible. And I’ve decided, sort of unintentionally —that I am going to finally speak up for what I deserve in dating. I will not lower my standards for anyone, anytime, under any circumstances, and I will not let bad behavior go unaddressed.

When we just met, and you invite yourself over with a 10 p.m. text? No. When you chase me on the internet, I agree to go on a date, then you suggest I meet you “halfway” on your schedule? No thank you. When we get together under platonic circumstances, and you try to get me in a compromising situation, so you can make a move? HARD NOPE. 

I wasn’t born yesterday. I recognize all these moves for what they are. The old me would ignore it, shrug it off, and forget all about it. The new me is saying no and saying why, direct and straightforward.

My response to the guy who invited himself over at 10 p.m. at night? “Hey, I appreciate the interest, but I get turned off by ungentlemanly comments so quickly after meeting, and it causes me to lose interest. Sorry.”

My response to the guy who followed me from a dating app to Instagram to ask me out, but wasn’t willing to date within the radius he had set on his profile? “I think you have me confused with someone who followed you from a dating app to Instagram and asked YOU out 😝 If you still want to meet me, I’m staying in __ neighborhood and I’m free at 4pm. If you don’t, totally cool.”

And… how is it received? Usually, not well. They give up their chance to say “my bad” or “touché” and instead, get nasty. They’re not used to women verbalizing their standards — they’re used to women who accept poor and ambivalent behavior, or walk away without explanation. On behalf of all women, I will provide those explanations… even if that puts me on the receiving end of nastiness.

I’m looking for intention, not attention. I’m not going to consider any man who is not willing to put in a little effort. And if he can’t put in any effort up front, when he should be trying to put his best foot forward, that’s a very clear look into the future.

People, I just downsized 98% of my things. I’m getting rid of the stuff in my life that I don’t need — and that includes boys. I encourage you all to do the same. 😘

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