I find myself reflecting, once in a blue moon, about how I’ve been largely single these last five years and what that has been like: half a decade making meals for one, without regular physical intimacy, holidays spent without a special someone, trips and photographs taken alone…
And I’m wistful for a moment, because I want these things. I enjoy building a life with someone. Waking up together in the morning. Flirting, teasing, trusting. Loving and investing, with my whole heart.
And then I remember, also over the last five years…
- I am capable and self-reliant, and I can take care of myself in every regard.
- I need to consider no one, and decisions about how I spend my time and money are my own.
- I have location independence and total freedom. I am not tied to any place or any one. I can go anywhere.
- I refuse to settle for less than what I want and deserve.
- And I refuse to lower my standards.
It’s better to be single — even if that means meals for one and waking up alone — than to be with the wrong person, or someone who doesn’t deserve me.
And I want to share with you, and reassure you, that I didn’t just wake up with this confidence, this determination, and this strength of will. Nor did it develop overnight. It was a long road to rock this self-assurance.
It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.E. E. Cummings, Poet
From high school to college I spent 7 years in an on-and-off, mostly long-distance relationship where I was verbally abused. When things were good I was over the moon, and I thought no one else would ever love me or get me. When things were bad, I was called fat and disgusting, I was spit on, things were smashed, and I later uncovered hundreds of lies and dozens of infidelities. When it finally ended, a few months before I moved to Arizona, my self-esteem was in ruins.
I later found myself stuck in another relationship I was terrified to lose. He was sweet, generous, and funny, but we disagreed on too many worldviews, and the physical chemistry wasn’t totally there. After realizing we weren’t right together, it took me far too long to gather the courage to end things.
My next serious boyfriend and I looked at rings. He made promises. Then I caught him in a lie, and found out HE cheated too. I was devastated.
Why am I exposing all of these painful periods? Because I’m not a perfect role model. I don’t deserve all the praise. I made some foolish mistakes before I started making good decisions.
But I’m not jaded. I don’t hate or distrust men. Going through all of these experiences made me the strong woman I am today, and I hope the man out there that ends up being my match is just as strong, just as determined, and just as hopeful. It’s never too late to start standing up for yourself, setting and expressing your standards, and checking out when things aren’t right. ✌️😘
P.S. I always advocate for women.