Online dating: it’s exhausting. Am I right? ESPECIALLY… if you’re dating across the U.S. as a nomadic single woman in her 30s.
And these past 8 months on the road, I’ve been logging into Hinge and the others here and there — and boy. People need help.
I don’t claim to be any kind of dating coach, but I do have some observations that perhaps you could either relate to (or learn from!)…. and basically my number one PSA is: The mere act of expressing interest does not make someone interesting.
… And I don’t go out with people who have not interested me. (You know, because even though I’m single, my life is rich and full and I’m not desperate for a relationship.)
#onlinedating PSA: “The MERE act of YOU expressing interest… does NOT make ME interested”Tweet
Here are the most common Hinge-rs I’ve encountered:
👨 ➡️ “[Hinge notification] ___ liked your profile”
— and it’s a LEFT SWIPE 9/10 times.
Hey, I get it, people swipe mindlessly and in boredom, and I’ve been guilty of it too. But if someone is interested (myself included), they’ll try to stand out with a message. I get too many likes to waste my time with someone who doesn’t care to stand out. (And hey, totally cool if you’re not that into me. No harm, no foul.)
🧔🏾 ➡️ “Hey, what’s up?”
— nope. Are you really that un-creative and/or lazy?
👨🏽🦱 ➡️ “Hey, love your profile. Do you want to go out sometime?”
— I appreciate that this might work for some, and props for getting to the point, but for me… it’s missing a hook.
What might work better? Share an interesting nugget. React to the person’s profile and offer something up: the best spot in town for taco tuesday, your favorite dog-friendly hike, or an experience you’ve had that seems to align with the other person based on their profile. I might go out with you… but I need to be interested. If someone can’t take one minute to say something thoughtful, do they really expect the other to give up 60+ minutes of their time for a date?
👨🦰 ➡️ “[asks deep questions, tries to illicit long-winded essay answers, questions my intentions, puts off meeting in person until every checkbox is checked and question is asked]”
— ya’ll, nobody likes homework.
I’m not a fan of matches who demand a lot of time and emotional energy up front. These early conversations should be lighthearted, just enough to pique the interest, just enough to establish some things in common… and then to get the date on the books. No pen pals.
My simple formula? Make the match, drum up interest, keep it lighthearted, and set the date. Ideally, our brief exchange is fun and engaging, there’s some banter, and I’d be COMPELLED to meet up!
I don’t toy. I don’t play games or ‘hard to get.’ I DO filter: because my time is valuable and my interest is earned.
Thoughts? Leave a comment or DM me @juliebrose!