When I think about all the time and emotional energy I wasted wondering and questioning why I guy I liked disappeared (or showed his true colors), "YOU DON'T NEED CLOSURE" is one of the things I wish I could tell my younger self. I now take this heart — I don’t need an explanation, I don’t need closure, and I certainly don’t need his excuses. It's unproductive, it tells me nothing, nor does it change what happened. Here's 6 reasons to stop asking for closure.
Tag: dating in your 30s
“What’s Meant to Be, Will Be” — The Biggest Cop Out of All
Just take a look at Instagram: there it is, always in a pretty font: “What’s meant to be, will be.” I used to believe it, but here’s my beef: it inspires passivity, and it relieves a person of responsibility for their own human agency and actions. Let me explain.
How Did I Get Here, Love Edition: How I Evolved into the Empowered, Child-Free and Happy Woman I Am
If you’re new here, I’m a single, never-been-married woman in my mid-30s, who is traveling and dating around the world. Over the years, I’ve grown from verbally abusive relationships, infidelity, and body image issues, and I won’t settle for a relationship where there is dysfunctional behavior or treatment, a misalignment of values, or a lack of physical chemistry. How did I get here? I'll kick off this chapter with a quote by Rupi Kaur: "How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you..."
Dating Diary of a Single Nomad: The Three Most Frustrating Things I Keep Seeing from Men
I’ve been a nomad for over two years now, traveling the world and dating, and this is what I’ve found… · I meet more viable men while traveling abroad, compared to when I lived in one place or traveled full-time in the U.S. · Even with the capability to screen/filter, I meet more men I’m actually interested in in-real-life, vs. on dating apps · Even though I’m currently single, the fleeting connections I’ve experienced this year give me hope that I’ll find my future long-term partner out there in the world But a thriving dating life means I’ve also met some busters (in the wise words of TLC). From the (relatively) benign to the bad, these are the three types of “busters” I keep encountering over and over again on the nomad life...
Why We Should Stop Looking for Soulmates
11 years ago, I traveled to Greece for the first time. It had been a few years since my verbally abusive relationship ended; but during that trip, I felt like I had finally healed and was ready to date again. I was also in my mid 20s, and starting to feel the pressures from society. When would I get engaged? Would I hit the milestones I was supposed to in the right time frame? Were we dating in vain, or was my partner going to propose? Now, in my mid-30s, my outlook on marriage and relationships has completely changed. I believe some people are only meant to stay in your life for a season, and that longevity is not the primary goal. I also discuss the sunk cost fallacy. Read on...
Letter to My Narcissistic Ex-Lover
I bought matching bracelets for us. I would’ve given yours to you, with a hug, a kiss, and a little inside joke: that I wanted to be the last girl to give you a bracelet at the beach. But you were cold, then hot again. You were salty and derisive, then sweet and complimentary. You [...]
I’m a Nomad, But No, I Won’t Consider a Long-Distance Relationship (+ Caveat)
I’ve spent the past six years largely single. I’ve been on too many first dates to count. I’ve had a couple brief romantic attachments. I even thought I was falling in love once or twice — that there was serious long-term potential — ready to go all-in. I’ve been over-the-moon in rose-colored bliss, and I’ve [...]
I Stay Hopeful For Love by Loving and Valuing Myself
On my worst days, especially after date after disappointing date, I think: "Will I ever find anyone to love again?" And hey, at least it's better than thinking, "Will anyone ever love ME?" I stop this thought in its tracks, and I remind myself: I will. I will find someone else to love... a person that will also love me. And it will likely be when I least expect it, in the wildest place, or under the most surprising circumstances. It only takes one… but there is not only one...
Online Dating Do’s and Don’ts: From a Single Woman in Her 30s
I don’t claim to be any kind of dating coach, but I do have some observations that perhaps you could either relate to (or learn from!).... and basically my number one PSA is: The mere act of expressing interest does not make someone interesting. ... And I don’t go out with people who have not interested me.
A Tale of Two Men: An Online Dating Story
When it comes to a high-value potential mate, don't put up barriers. Don't force. And don't fast-forward. A natural progression is under-appreciated. (A true story.)
An Open Letter to the Local Men I Meet During Nomad Life
I don’t believe in long distance relationships. A satisfying relationship requires two bodies in the same room, in addition to things like shared interests and goals. Looking into each other’s eyes not through a screen. Being able to reach out and touch one another, instead of longing to someday soon feel their touch. I think most people who’ve been in long distance relationships would agree. However, the traditional implication is that these two people are separate, stationary, and confined by their geography. But... What if one of them is not?
The Truth About Attraction and Vulnerability
Insecurity kills attraction, but vulnerability can build it. Know the difference. (Just take these two IRL examples from Julie's dating life.)
Why the “Love is Blind” Couples Validate What I Know About Love
As isolated people look to connect in quarantine, should we take a cue from “Love is Blind”? Maybe... but that will only get us so far.
I Caught a Cheater on Instagram and I Have a Couple Things to Say About It
A married man tried to set up a date with me during a business trip, and I learned he was married through some simple social media investigative work. So guess what. I screenshot that and slid into his wife's DMs.
Dating, Distance & “The Scarcity Complex”
My theory: when I'm traveling — because I live elsewhere — my perceived unavailability makes me more attractive. The opposite is true at home.
Friends > Lovers… When It Works and When It Doesn’t
"Friends first." It can work, and has worked for many couples. But it can also be a trap. (A true story.)
Marriage is Not the Be-All-End-All
If never marry, so be it. Don’t feel sorry for me. My life has begun, and it's full of possibilities.
What I’ve Learned About Rejection
Rejection is a fact of life, and it’s happened over and over to all of us, including me.
I’m Single, but Complete
I'm two months from my 34th birthday and I just realized I spent pretty much the entire length of my 30s stone-cold single.
The Day I Stopped Ignoring My Gut
At first, he did a lot of things right. Then he did a lot of things wrong; he made the mistake that so many guys make.
