We’ve seen those women. The ones that can get any guy they want.
I’m one of those women. I can get any guy I want. As are you. Boastful? No. Not if you put the emphasis on “I want.”
If the person doesn’t – show interest – communicate – follow through – value my time – pique my curiosity – be consistent – show investment – possess integrity, maturity and self-control? I DON’T WANT THAT ONE.
If the person is – inconsistent – confused about his feelings – playing games – disagreeable – unaccommodating – cheap – deceptive – passive aggressive – manipulative? I DON’T WANT THAT ONE EITHER.
I don’t want just “any guy.” I’m holding out for the relationship I deserve with the man I want. AND I WANT:
- Mutual interest and shared goals for the relationship.
- Respectful language and actions.
- Honesty and communication.
- Compassion and kindness.
- Appreciation and validation.
- Vulnerability and trust.
- Attraction and intimacy.
- Acceptance and forgiveness.
Ladies and gentlemen, I think that too often we romanticize people early on. We imagine, we make assumptions, we project, and we communicate poorly. We don’t take them at face value, we doubt; we don’t listen, observe, or ask enough questions. (And I’m very much included in this. Still a work-in-progress, ya’ll.) People don’t always present themselves honestly, either.
When somebody shows you who they are, and those behaviors are not on your “wants” list? Believe them. We get really caught up with wondering, “Does he like me? Why isn’t he texting me? Why is he doing this or isn’t doing that?” that we forget to ask ourselves… “Based on what I’ve seen so far… do I want him?” Are there enough good things to outweigh the questionable? You have a choice.
Sometimes I think about the last five years I spent largely single. Here and there, there was potential. I went on dates. I opened up, but kept my eyes wide open. Despite failure after failure, disappointment after disappointment, I got out there: looking for a connection, a shared worldview, a romance that could last.
In every case, the potential vanished, or the timing wasn’t right, and again, I was back to the drawing board.
- The guy who suggested I move across the world to be with him, and then dropped me out of nowhere while the plan was in process…
- The friend turned love interest who I couldn’t depend on to show up emotionally or stick to plans on a consistent basis…
- The guy who I met virtually on my travels, who I felt I was actually building a connection with, but couldn’t invest in meeting me IRL…
- The guy who was sweet some days, but whose mood would take a dark and unpredictable turn when I didn’t say or do the “right” thing…
I’ve spent a lot of time building on myself these last few years, and I am content in my singledom… but, ultimately, I WANT to fall in love. I WANT to be in love. I want to find that person who makes my heart burst and sparkle, who enriches my life, who will support my journey or align himself with it, who will protect my heart at all costs, who is a true partner.
Friends, I thought widening my net would mean more contenders. I thought leaving Phoenix to travel full-time as a digital nomad with no geographic ties would allow me to meet more fish… fish who lived in another part of the proverbial sea, fish who I might be well-suited to.
I’m still swimming, watching, listening, and learning.
Ladies and gentlemen, keep swimming. BE INTENTIONAL about your search for the guy or girl — the relationship — YOU WANT and DESERVE. I know all the disappointments are disheartening, but it will happen for you. Do not settle. We only get one life; I’d rather go at it alone than share it with the wrong someone.
I’ll keep looking for the guy I want — and I’m ignoring all others. In the meantime, I’ll keep exploring the big blue sea and all of its beauty.
P.S. Did you notice I didn’t say the man “I need?” But… that’s another story 😘